Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
