Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
