but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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