oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
