You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
