speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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