my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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