it was like his penis was on wheels.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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