..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
