fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
