When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
