Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
