woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
