how can u be prego again
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
