I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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