I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
