Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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