I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
