i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
