When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
