K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
