I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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