well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
