Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
