theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pants are for mortals
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize