Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
