We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
