They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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