i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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