yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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