Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
