she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
