im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
