dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Small penises have feelings too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
