wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
