May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
