did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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