i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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