There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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