I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
