if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Someone shit on the floor
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
