you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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