Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
