I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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