I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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