Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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