your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
