I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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