I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
