I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
