he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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