She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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