He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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